Avoid Family Drama
As the holidays approach, you may worry about upcoming family gatherings, which can be challenging for some people. There are a few strategies you can use which can help minimize some of the difficulty.
First, steer clear of conversation topics which are potentially controversial or likely to provoke tension. Politics, religion, money, and old family drama are best left alone at family gatherings. You are unlikely to change any minds. If a family member tries to start a conversation on one of these topics, don’t engage. Provide a neutral non-response such as “OK, I see.” It takes two people to argue; the other will likely lose interest if you don’t take the bait. If they don’t take the hint and persist in trying to argue, then you can excuse yourself and remove yourself from that situation. Head to the bathroom to grab some water or help in the kitchen.
If you and another family member tend to repeat the same negative patterns at gatherings, actively avoid falling into this trap. You can go into the gathering with the intention of conflict avoidance.
Acceptance can also be helpful
Family members who tend always to behave a certain way or say or do certain things are likely to continue to do that. You will not be able to change them or control their behaviour. Practice tolerance where possible and accept family members for who they are. The only behaviour you can control is your reaction. If someone does or says something which gets under your skin, work on not holding onto resentments, which ultimately cause you more discomfort. Consciously tell yourself you will let it go. Where possible, try to see the humour in complex family interactions and laugh them off to yourself.
Manage your expectations
People often pressure themselves to have a memorable, magical holiday experience. This can lead to feelings of disappointment and frustration. It’s OK if everything doesn’t go perfectly and you don’t enjoy every moment. Avoid comparing yourself to others and telling yourself everyone is having the perfect holiday. Limit or stay off social media, which tends to fuel this comparison.
If a very long gathering is too much for you, limit the time you plan to spend with family. Where possible, turn down activities or invitations which feel too overwhelming.
Avoid Overconsumption of Alcohol
Avoid overconsuming alcohol, which can contribute to more heated and unpleasant family interactions. People often tell themselves drinking will help them endure a complex gathering, but it generally makes things worse.
During the holidays, it’s important to prioritize self-care, physical activity and spending time with positive people who make you feel good. If family gatherings don’t include folks like that, make some plans before or after your family gathering to see these positive people. If you don’t have enjoyable traditions with your family, create some with your friends or significant other or just for yourself
Practice Gratitude and Breathe……
Take note of several things to appreciate about the gathering, the holiday or your life in general, however small. Perhaps you enjoy your morning coffee, a favourite holiday movie or the scent of pine trees. If you are focused on gratitude, your brain has less space to focus on complex family interactions.
Use a simple breathing or coping strategy in your back pocket as needed. For example, try square breathing, where you breathe in for four counts, hold for four counts, exhale for four counts and hold that for four counts. Repeat four times. Choose a simple mantra to say to yourself, such as “This too shall pass” or “I am calm.” After the gathering, give yourself credit for all you did to get through the event.
